I first started writing in 2016 after my son, Finlay, died when he was 2 days old. Finlay was diagnosed with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) at my 20-week scan. Essentially this condition occurs when a baby’s diaphragm is not fully formed in the womb, causing their organs to move and restricting lung growth. All CDH babies are given a 50% chance of survival, however, doctors told us they were ‘cautiously optimistic’ about Finlay’s prognosis.
Our beautiful boy was born in August 2016, weighing a whopping 11lbs 14oz. He was the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen—perfect in every way other than his underdeveloped lungs. Doctors were happy with his progress and his prognosis looked positive. But due to a number of complications, Finlay died just 2 days later at Liverpool Women’s Hospital. There is nothing in this life that can prepare you for holding your child in your arms as they pass away. It’s the kind of pain that changes the very essence of your being, as though your cells physically morph into something different than you were before.
I have no idea how we got through those first few weeks after we lost Finlay, except that we had to be strong for our older son, who had just lost his much-longed-for-baby brother. Time seemed to lose all sense of meaning around that period, however, I think it was a couple of days after Finlay’s funeral when I was clearing out an old wooden box and found my laptop. This thing was a huge clunky machine that had always been very temperamental. I plugged it in and switched it on intending to erase any files and dispose of them. But it sprang to life in a way it never had before, even connecting to our wi-fi without me entering the password. And I recall having the distinct singular thought—’ I’m going to write a book’.
I wrote the first draft of The Boss in just 45 days and I honestly believed that doing so got me through the most difficult time of my life. Whilst it was initially an exercise to occupy my mind I did tell some friends about what I’d done and they convinced me to send them the book to read. Now, at that time, sending them this, whilst it was an entire week of fiction, felt akin to sending them my personal diary. However, it was their feedback which made me consider trying to get the book published. the driving force though was the thought of seeing my boy’s name in print. I chose my pen name, Caz Finlay, in memory of him and I started the long and arduous process of trying to get this book published.
I experienced rejection after rejection from every literary agent I queried. And so I adapted my manuscript and I queried again. And I was rejected again. But I persevered, and in January 2018 I met an editor from Harper Collins at a book signing in Liverpool Waterstones. I pitched her my book. She gave me her e-mail. And seven months later, the day after Finlay’s 2nd birthday, she gave me my first publishing deal.
I wrote eight gangland crime books in the Bad Blood series as Caz, and I am forever grateful for the chance I was given. However in November 2020, I decided I wanted to write some dark romance, and Sadie Kincaid was born. I submitted my first book, Dark Angel, to my publishers, but sadly it wasn’t right for them. Whilst the sting of that rejection still hurt, I believed I truly had a grasp of what dark romance readers wanted to read. So, I self-published Dark Angel in April 2021, closely followed up by Fallen Angel in May of that year. Those books did well for a debut author, but it was Fierce King, which I released in July of that same year, that really changed my life beyond recognition.
Just five months after the release of Fierce King I was able to leave my job as a Senior Probation Officer and start writing full time. Giving up such a stable and well-paid career to do something that had only been a hobby was a huge and terrifying decision to make, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. After the success of that book my readership only continued to grow in ways I could never have imagined.
I often get asked about my writing career, and when I tell people that I’m both traditional and self-published they usually assume that my traditional published work is both better written and more lucrative. I think this is part of the historical stigma attached to self-publishing, but I’m here as proof that such a stereotype is outdated and so wrong. My biggest reader base is in the US, which is the most difficult market to crack and also the most lucrative, but all of my self-published books have reached the top 100 in the US Amazon Kindle store. Most of them have made the top 10 and one of them was number one in the entire Kindle store. (That was a dream come true!!)
It blows my mind every single day that I get to do this for my job and that I’ve changed my family’s life by doing something that I love so much. And whilst the success and all that comes with it is incredible, the thing that always means the most to me is when a reader contacts me to tell me that my book has touched their life in some way. From simply making them smile to helping them heal from their own traumas. It’s an honour and a privilege to have people read my words, but most of all it is the most incredible legacy that I could ever have given to my beautiful boy.
You can find all my books, both Sadie Kincaid and Caz Finlay on Amazon and Kindle.
I love talking to readers and if you would like to chat with me you can follow me on Facebook as Sadie Kincaid author, or on Instagram sadiekincaid_xx.
Alternatively, if you’re looking for a really supportive warm and fun place on social media, you can join my Facebook reader group, Sadie’s Ladies and Sizzling Alphas.
For more information on CDH visit cdhuk.org.uk