Eva Speakman is one half of the amazing duo “The Speakmans” who are regular contributors on ITV’S “THIS MORNING”. In this exclusive interview with Power of Women Magazine, we ask Eva to give our readers some insight into her work and how she helps people all over the world.
- Your approach centres on uncovering the root causes of mental health challenges rather than just addressing the symptoms. Can you share an example that has transformed someone’s life?
When helping someone to overcome an issue, finding the root cause offers an explanation as to why they may be on high alert and anxious. Once we know the cause of an issue, we can start to challenge the belief created in the past, which is still affecting the person in the present.
We met a lady with severe claustrophobia. She was unable to go in lifts alone and would arrive at work 2 hours early to obtain low-level car parking to avoid lifts. Flying and locking toilet doors were very challenging, and sitting in the back of a car or having an MRI scan was entirely impossible.
Like most people we help, she told us that she had no clue when her phobia started. However, with our specialised questioning techniques, she suddenly recalled that at age 8, while on holiday, she locked herself in a very tiny toilet cubicle faced with a terrifying beast. She later learned this was a cockroach. Surprisingly to her, she had no issues with cockroaches, however to us this was inevitable, as she had attached the trauma to the enclosed space and not the bug.
The moment she realised it was actually the cockroach that had scared her, and not the enclosed space, her whole view changed. After sharing more evidence with her as to why enclosed spaces keep us safe, within 30 minutes of meeting her she happily decided to travel up and down in the lift alone.
- You’ve studied human behaviour and psychology for over seven decades combined. What has been the most surprising or counterintuitive insight you’ve discovered about how trauma shapes our lives?
By far the most outstanding realisation was that trauma lies behind every issue.
This trauma may not appear obvious as it may have been from childhood, and therefore traumatic from a child’s perspective. You may as an adult believe the event wasn’t that bad at all. Nonetheless, if it felt traumatic to you as a child, then the repercussions may persist into adulthood if left unaddressed. For example, seeing your mum scream at a spider when you were little may have been traumatic to you, as you witnessed your grown-up fearful, resulting in you acquiring arachnophobia as you learn at that moment that spiders should be feared.
More obvious trauma in adulthood such as a domestically violent relationship, a car accident or being attacked can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, social anxiety, and a fear of crowds and people as you have not realised or acknowledged the triggers created by such events.
The good news is, however, that once life traumas are noted, listed and positively addressed systematically, you can overcome your issues.
- Many of our readers are juggling careers, families, and personal challenges. What advice would you give them to break free from the mental health struggles that often accompany these pressures?
The best advice I can share with anyone juggling a whole host of tasks is to ‘give yourself a break’. Don’t be hard on yourself for being human, and being normal!
You do not have to be perfect, and can only do your best. Do try and delegate when you can, try to take a little time out for yourself now and then, and practice saying no to further demands from friends, family and work colleagues. If saying a flat no is difficult for you then try saying ‘not right now‘ instead. For example, “I’d love to help you out. I really wish I could, but I can’t right now“.
- What would you say to women who feel stuck in patterns of negative thinking or self-doubt? Are there simple techniques they can apply daily to shift their mindset?
If you’re stuck in negative thinking patterns, then this is most likely a symptom of a past trauma, which is worth considering. Who taught you to doubt yourself, and are they really worth still listening to today?
However, some great tricks to negate negative thinking and self-doubt is ending any negative thought or negative sentence with the words ‘but luckily’ and then complete the sentence.
For example;
” I can’t do that, but luckily I can learn”.
” I’m not good enough, but luckily I can get better”
Another great technique is to keep a notebook at the side of the bed. Every morning note 3 things you’re grateful for and at the end of the day note 1 to 3 things you have achieved. These achievements could be making someone smile, making a sandwich for your kids or giving someone a compliment. The more you do this, the easier it becomes, as you start to train yourself to look for more positive things in your life.
- You’ve worked together as a couple for over 30 years. How do you maintain balance in your personal and professional lives, and what role does your partnership play in your success?
We have been together for over thirty years, and we have worked together for most of those. We’ve been married for twenty-nine years, and have many of the same hobbies.
Our daughter Liv (an Oxford University graduate in Experimental Psychology & Neuroscience) plays a significant role in our masterclasses around the UK and is helping us on our journey to making our therapy available through the NHS.
Our son Hunter (a medical student who is also favouring psychology) also helps at our masterclasses and is very driven about helping people feel better.
We’re all the best of friends, and love doing things together. This is primarily due to the structure Nik & I implemented right at the start of our relationships, both personally and professionally.
- For many women, they may feel it’s ‘too late’ to address or heal from past traumas, how would you encourage them to take that first step toward emotional freedom?
The fact you are a woman, I already know without meeting any of you that you have abundant strength and resolve. You are a survivor and deserve nothing but happiness.
Your opinion of yourself is most often based on how other people have made you feel. Quite simply if you don’t feel good about yourself, then you have not been surrounded by good people, and conversely, if you do feel good about yourself, then you have.
It is your responsibility to take that mantle and champion the one person who has and will always be with you 24 hours every day, 7 days a week and for the rest of your life. That incredible human is you! No matter how long you have travelled down a path, it’s never too late to turn it around no matter how long you have suffered.
Age is not a barrier, age is wisdom and knowledge.