Have you ever wondered why the pain of some experiences can feel so present, even long after the event has passed?

For many of us, including myself, through my experience of sexual and relational abuse, it’s important to start from a place of knowing that it’s not your fault you still feel the impact of your experiences today.

You may have asked yourself, “Why can’t I just get over it?”, “Why can’t I just feel better?”, “Why can’t I just learn to trust again?”

The truth is, it’s not because you haven’t tried hard enough or you’re incapable of healing. It’s because trauma leaves an imprint on our nervous system, affecting every part of our lives from how we feel, think, and relate to the world and even how we see ourselves, shaping our relationships, and even restricting our ability to be intimate and trust.

Trauma is also not what we think, it’s not the event itself, but the way these experiences change us inside. When we feel threatened, our body’s internal alarm system moves us into a self-protect mode (fight, flight, freeze, fawn and flop) – a normal function helping us survive.

When the event passes and the trauma remains unprocessed, perhaps because we didn’t feel safe to talk about it or were even aware of the impact of what was happening, this built-up tension remains. We stay in survival mode – either hypervigilance or shutdown – carrying the weight of the experience long after it’s over.

This makes it hard to feel safe, and trust others, or even ourselves. Societal expectations and stigma, especially around sexual trauma, compound this pain and shame, causing survivors to minimise their experiences or feel silenced further.

These wounds may be invisible to us and others, but they’re real.

And so, survivors often struggle to gift themselves the same kindness they’d offer to a friend, believing something wrong with them and that they should “just move on,” instead of recognising it as unresolved trauma living in the body.

But healing is possible. As Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

Trauma may feel heavy, but it also holds the potential for growth and relief from the pain. Healing isn’t about erasing the past but gently untangling its effects and recognising that your worth is not tied to what happened to you.

Healing is a journey requiring self-compassion and because it happens in relation, it also isn’t something we can resolve on our own.

Healing requires a combination of compassionate self-awareness, acceptance, community, and action. It’s not about rushing to “move on” but finding safe, supportive ways to process the trauma and nurture yourself, step by step.

While trauma may shape our journey, it does not have to define us.

My Hurt to Healing quiz can be a gentle place to start, helping you reflect on your healing journey and explore your next step. Remember, healing isn’t about perfection – it’s about progress. Even the smallest steps matter. You deserve to reclaim your life, your power, and your sense of self.

Take the quiz now: Hurt to Healing Quiz.